I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
