Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
