Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's just like the Real World with babies
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
