Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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