I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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