So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
