We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
