i need an iv and a liver transplant
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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