The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
