so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
