I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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