You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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