FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
