haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
