I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
