I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize