we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
