We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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