dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
