i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
