you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Found the puke drawer
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
