No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
