I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
