made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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