So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
