could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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