i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I need to calm my uterus...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
