Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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