these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
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we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
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She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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