I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
