i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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