My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
