wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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