I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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