Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
