I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
