That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
