Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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