You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
