The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
