There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
