Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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