OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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