so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
