I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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