It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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