I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
