I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
