I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
