You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
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I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
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I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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