i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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