I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
