I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
