no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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