I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
