We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
