Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
