i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
