i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
