Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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