Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
