Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
