so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
