I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Two words: nipple clamps
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