what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I didn't notice because vodka
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
