Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
