omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
