he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize