wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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