Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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