Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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