Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
bring money and cleavage
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
