Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
