real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
