If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
