when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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