In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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