we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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