Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The uberlube is also flammable
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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