you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
