I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
