Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
