I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
