Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
